Saturday, May 17, 2014

May trip to the Russian Market




I do mock. But only with love!

I go to the Russian produce market every week. And every time I'm there, I take a chance on some weird thing I've never tried before. That's how I know I don't like sweet, pickled mushrooms. You learn something new every day. (Seriously, ick!)

So, yeah, I do make fun of the crazy translations.  But I do it with love. And dollars!

Racist Mayo
First, lemme get this one out of the way. Perhaps there is an old, Slavic folktale of the beloved, African Cossack, riding through the countryside spreading cheer. But I doubt it. More likely, this is just hella racist. Which is odd, since it's the very whitest people who are known for their love of jarred mayo. I should probably have complained to the manager, even though he doesn't speak English. At least I didn't buy it.



Try and Be Convinced!
I went to the Russian store specifically for cheap dill and bulgar. But my whatthehellisthis? purchase was a jar of "hot", Ukrainian tomato sauce called Adjika. Not exactly spicy, but kind of in the neighborhood of mild salsa. We polished off half the jar already, so I'd definitely buy it again.


Plus, the label on the jar gave me a serious case of the giggles. (Must be read in voice of Boris Badenov.)
More than three centuries the Ukrainian city Nezhin was famous for its pickles. Try and be convinced - our production will be pleasant to the most exacting gourmets.
Adjika Hot. Ingredients: tomatoes or tomato paste, drinking water, sweet pepper, garlic, white sugar, sunflower oil, salt, red milled pepper.


Potted Pig (Probably)
Being a civilian, I had to say no to both these varieties of canned pork.



My mother points out that "Pork stewed meat with gelatin" is somewhat ambiguous. It might be stewed pork jello, or might be muskrat stewed in the broth from last week's congealed pork stew. But the "Seargant's Pork Pate" is undoubtedly pure.


Fool Me Twice
Pistachio-studded Turkish Cotton Candy sounds fabulous, right?


And it's so pretty. Only when I unloaded the bag did my husband remind me that I bought a package six months ago. Which we pitched, because it tasted like insulation. Doh!

At least I'm only out $3.29.

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